#3: Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection
By Vivek H. Murthy, M.D. (Harper Wave, 2020)
"Loneliness is an evolutionarily derived warning system that has evolved to prompt us to seek out the safety and comfort of others... Just as hunger tells us we need food and thirst tells us we need water, loneliness is the body's way of telling us we need human connection. But when that signal is ignored or unable to be satisfied, it turns into a chronic state that impacts our physiology much like chronic stress."
Some thoughts to get us started on this discussion:
After looking at Brooks' take on emptiness and purpose, Murthy pushes us directly into the relational substrate: loneliness not as a psychological flaw or personal failure, but as a biological threat response. In a culture optimized for autonomy, screen efficiency, and self-reliance, connection is often treated as a luxury or a wellness habit rather than a physiological baseline.
A few open questions to kick off our chat:
Biological Signal or Chronic Strain? Murthy treats loneliness like hunger—an evolutionary signal urging us to seek safety in the group. But when modern work and screen culture keep the nervous system in chronic hyper-vigilance, how do we distinguish between an acute relational signal and simple autonomic exhaustion?
The Utility Trap of "Connection": He advocates for making relational health a public priority. But for high-achieving minds trained to optimize every hour, how do we practice genuine relational presence without turning connection into just another item on the self-improvement checklist?
Solitude vs. Isolation: Murthy claims that true connection with others requires grounding in self-solitude first. Where is the line between nourishing, unmediated solitude and the quiet withdrawal that actually deepens isolation?
How We Meet: When we hop on the link, we’ll start by reading this page together. We will then take 5 minutes of quiet time to scribble down whatever thoughts, reactions, or personal resonance come up for us, and then join back together for the discussion. No pressure, no performing—just a space to arrive and talk.
Next Gathering: Friday, August 28th at 12:00 PM
Google Meet Link
On the Radar....
The Matter With Things: Our Brains, Our Delusions, and the Unmaking of the World – Iain McGilchrist (Perspectiva Press, 2021)
The Mind of the Leader: How to Lead Yourself, Your People, and Your Organization for Extraordinary Results – Rasmus Hougaard & Jacqueline Carter (Harvard Business Review Press, 2018)
The Web of Life: A New Scientific Understanding of Living Systems – Fritjof Capra (Anchor/Doubleday, 1996)
Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less – Alex Soojung-Kim Pang (Basic Books, 2016)
The Experience of No-Self: A Contemplative Journey – Bernadette Roberts (Shambhala, 1982)
Self-Reliance and Other Essays – Ralph Waldo Emerson (Originally published in Essays: First Series, 1841)
The Spell of the Sensuous: Perception and Language in a More-Than-Human World – David Abram (Pantheon Books, 1996)
The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-First Century – Jacqueline Olds & Richard S. Schwartz (Beacon Press, 2009).
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek – Annie Dillard (Harper Magazine Press, 1974).
Living Without a Goal: Finding the Contentment That Pursuing Happiness Can Never Bring – James Ogilvy (Currency/Doubleday, 1995)
By Arthur C. Brooks (Portfolio, 2026)
"What the data show—and what everyone has seen with our own eyes—is what we social scientists call a psychogenic epidemic, a phenomenon that causes tremendous suffering but has no organic cause, meaning the onset is social or psychological, not biological... The overuse of tech is a soothing behavior because something important is absent in their lives—and this behavior is probably also making that something harder to find. It's like alcohol or recreational drugs, which people often abuse when what they really want in life—hope, opportunity, love—is absent, but which makes their problem worse. What is it that the young strivers so deeply crave but can't find? And why can't they find it?"
Some thoughts to get us started on this discussion:
Is the problem really in our heads? Brooks calls this an "epidemic of the mind" with no physical cause. But something to consider—when our culture incentivizes us to stay constantly wired, overworked, and screen-bound, are we looking at a psychological failure, or also just a worn-out nervous system?
Why do high achievers struggle so much with this? He points out that the hardest workers often feel the emptiest. When someone's whole life is built on performance and fixing problems, how do they actually make space for depth without turning "finding meaning" into just another goal to accomplish?
Can you have "transcendence" without the theology? Brooks relies pretty heavily on spiritual ideas to solve this ache. Does his argument work without its theological roots, or does it fall apart if you don't accept his underlying assumptions?
How We Meet: When we hop on the link, we’ll start by reading this page together. We will then take 5 minutes of quiet time to scribble down whatever thoughts, reactions, or personal resonance come up for us, and then join back together for the discussion. No pressure, no performing—just a space to arrive and talk.
Next Gathering: Friday, July 31st at 12:00 PM
By Olivia Laing (Picador, 2016)
"There is a gentrification that is happening to cities, and there is a gentrification that is happening to the emotions too, with a similarly homogenising, whitening, deadening effect. Amidst the glossiness of late capitalism, we are fed the notion that all difficult feelings—depression, anxiety, loneliness, rage—are simply a consequence of unsettled chemistry, a problem to be fixed, rather than a response to structural injustice or, on the other hand, to the native texture of embodiment..."
"I don't believe the cure for loneliness is meeting someone, not necessarily. I think it's about two things: learning how to befriend yourself and understanding that many of the things that seem to afflict us as individuals are in fact a result of larger forces of stigma and exclusion, which can and should be resisted."
Some thoughts to get us started on this discussion:
In reading this book, what stayed with me is her expansive exploration of what is quite difficult to speak of. When you look closely at loneliness, it isn't just about being alone (although it is that!); it is also a profound desire for integration, for becoming whole when things feel disconnected.
In the first part of the book, Laing touches on that Winnicottian idea of the "psyche-soma" split—that terrifying feeling of falling apart, or feeling isolated because you have no way to communicate what is happening inside you. She then takes us on a journey where we look at how people use "transitional objects" (like a simple piece of string, or a piece of art) as an extension of communication to hold onto unintegrated material when words fail.
Along the way, she catalogs the lives of these artists and the city itself in ways that completely caught me off guard. There’s this beautiful surprise in seeing how Andy Warhol used his tape recorder as a literal shield against intimacy, or how Edward Hopper’s paintings capture the stark architectural barriers of New York that mirror our own internal walls.
But by the end, it is my sense the narrative completely shifts. The "cure" isn't just about finding another person to stop the ache; it's about learning how to befriend yourself and realizing that this isolation is shaped by larger external forces of stigma and exclusion. Loneliness is personal, but it is also collective. There's no need for shame here. What matters is staying open, staying alert, and remembering that the pursuit of individual happiness doesn't excuse our obligations to one another. We are in this accumulation of scars together.
How We Meet: When we hop on the link, we’ll start by reading this page together. We will then take 5 minutes of quiet time to scribble down whatever thoughts, reactions, or personal resonance come up for us, and then join back together for the discussion. No pressure, no performing—just a space to arrive and talk.
Next Gathering: Friday, June 26th at 12:00 PM
Google Meet Link
On the Radar:
The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness – Arthur Brooks
Determined: A Science of Life Without Free Will – Robert Sapolsky
The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss – Mary-Frances O'Connor
Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection – Vivek Murthy
The Voices Within: The History and Science of How We Talk to Ourselves – Charles Fernyhough
Elderhood – Louise Aronson